I have been stressed and overwhelmed a lot lately. Or I made myself stress and overwhelmed. Actually, I haven’t been able to fully recuperate from all the tiring work of the past weeks.
The start of May was very big for me. Actually, the middle of April…
Wow.
I could not believe that we have been doing this for 75 days already. By this, I meant that we are trying to build a relationship.
I was so happy the day you said that you’re open to the possibility of us building a relationship. There were times…
We have achieved a new first. A sleepover.
Supposedly, it was a The Voice marathon sleepover because I’m already on leave for May 9. I was excited for this but there was a change in the plan because he wanted to play and I also wanted to play. So, he’d be…
Been checking my horoscope faithfully to check if that is really what my life’s been like. It has been helpful a couple of times when I needed to say something or get something out of my system.
Maybe, I just needed the boost.
Last Wednesday, I talked to my friend about my situation with a certain someone. He suggested that make use of some superstitious stuff like looking for a sign.
So, I thought of something that could be really improbable to happen but not in the least way impossible.
The sign is that if I see a graduate of UP BS IE around the Ortigas area on Thursday / Friday then there may be a chance that we’d get together. I chose that sign because I know only a handful of people who work around the Ortigas area. That’s my initial thought, a personal meeting. But, it didn’t turn out that way.
Thursday came and we had our team lunch out for our February birthday celebrants. After the lunch, our ‘car’ decided to go to the nearby Moonleaf Ortigas in Ortigas Home Depot for our tea fix. I ordered a yakult drink because I’m trying to stay away from caffeine.
There was a promo and we were able to get a free milk tea and a Moonleaf planner.
When we got to the office, I asked my office mate for the Moonleaf planner because I want to check it out. Then, there it was, a full-sized picture of a college batch mate on the page of the Moonleaf planner.
Was it this? I wasn’t so specific that I needed to see them personally. I thought about it. Would I accept this sign? Or should I check whether there will be another one?
I got off work early on Friday because I need to go to class at around 6PM.
On my way to Trinoma (because I had to claim the book I reserved), I dropped by MegaMall because that the nearest to the MRT Station. Lo and behold, as I was about to exit the mall, I see another UP IE alumnus.
It’s confirmed then. Another manifestation of the sign - twice at that. The chances of us getting together is two times more than it was before.
I’d take it as it is. It may bring about invalid expectations but I know that right now. It gave momentary happiness but I guess that to get what I want, I’d have to work hard for it too.
Thursday
Still sad that we’re not pushing through with Boracay this month. However, I realized that the heavy rains would probably ruin the beach for me. So, it’s a bit of a no regrets thing.
We talked over lunch. He wants me to come play volleyball that night. I said that I am not so sure because I have to go to work really early on Friday. I still went because that’s just how I react to his requests, I cannot say no. We finished at around 3 AM and it was raining really hard. He did not have an umbrella so I offered mine. I reasoned that the tricycle will drop me off in front of my house and he still has to walk before getting home.
He dropped me at the tricycle terminal and said that I text him when I get home. He needed to do that because I still have to walk to the terminal and I needed an umbrella. I did call him when I felt that he was home too.
Friday
I woke up with my body aching all over. To add to that, I need to be in the office at 7 AM and it was already 7:30 when I woke up. So, I decided to just take a leave today and sleep until the middle of the day. However, I needed to go to school for my 6 PM class.
They wanted me to play again. I said that I would if class would end early. I’d probably just drop by if we end just on time. The class ended early! Then, there was the project consultation which I am pretty happy about. The professor talked to a couple of groups before calling my name. I surmised that he had a lot of recommendations for the improvement of the other groups’ projects. When he talked to me, the only issue was that the regression model is not part of the scope of the class. But, other than that, there was no problem with my project. Cool, no?
I went to the court before other people arrived. I just had to go back home and get clothes for the game. We finished at around 4 AM and before going home, we first dropped by McDonald’s to buy breakfast. Then, I learned from him that someone wanted him to stay away from me. That screwed me over. It’s like I was written into a weird teenage novel. People really do that?
Saturday
Weirdly enough, I woke up at 9 AM despite not having a lot sleep. I also cleaned the house because we have decided to hold an inuman session at our house. Then it was the UAAP women’s semifinals in the afternoon.
The guys wanted to play first so instead of heading home, we have to meet up in another friend’s house and go to the court at around 10 PM. This time, play finished at around 5 AM. There was no way we could do the session at our house. So, we went back to our friends house and decided to watch a movie instead. Only two people finished the movie, me and him. We were four then and after the movie finished we decided to sleep. The problem is that we only have a single bed to work with.
That was the most uncomfortable sleep I ever had.
Sunday
We woke up at around 12 noon and we were so hungry. I remembered that my uncle will be cooking lunch because today is the parish’s fiesta. I invited the guys to have lunch at our house and they obliged.
He wanted to go home first and take a bath. So, I joined him. It is only my second time in his house. But I know his sister already. Then, I met his grandmother and his older brother. It didn’t take long for him to prepare so we went back to our friend’s house. We saw that they just went back to sleep instead of taking their baths. I said that they take a bath in my house because I am just so hungry at that time.
We had lunch and watched the UAAP men’s semifinals. Then, since we didn’t really have a lot of sleep, they wanted to sleep. We went into my room. They slept then we, he and I, watched American Idol. He loves to sing and he does have a good voice. At around 6 PM, we had to leave because I have a Sunday Club session with my other friends. They decided to play again. I said I’d drop by if we finish early.
I did drop by. Later on Monday, I’d wake up late for a great start to the week.
Summary
It was all him. Everything this weekend was focused on him and, again, I was trapped on the island.
In the book series of Percy Jackson & the Olympians, we are introduced to the concept of the fatal flaw or hamartia. It is the characteristic of one person that is key to one’s downfall or tragedy. Known fatal flaws include Percy’s excessive personal loyalty, Annabeth’s hubris and Nico’s holding grudges. It is important to know one’s fatal flaw in order to ensure that one can survive the day without self-destructing and destroying his surrounding together with him.
What is my fatal flaw?
It would probably be search for reason and logic.
A decision or action or situation would not be valid to me if it isn’t logical. I would always believe that there is a logic behind what happens and I would not stop until I find that reason or explanation. This leads to over-thinking which leads to creating problems which aren’t there in the first place.
I believe in the saying that things happen for a reason. However, I have this natural tendency to make sure that I find out that reason.
I was happy when we had to reschedule the Boracay trip last weekend. First, Thursday and Friday had really strong rains so we wouldn’t be enjoying the beach. Second, I was needed and I gave support and comfort to the one who needed it. I couldn’t have imagined myself to be out of his reach during the time he said that he wanted someone to talk to.
That was the time when the reason surfaced as soon as something happened. But that isn’t always the case. I have been trying to accept the things as they are but it isn’t as easy at it sounds like. It has been hard-wired into my brain to look for reasons because I have this unnatural want to understand everything.
I have this recurring problem. I just can’t seem to escape you – like a person jumping from a cliff towards the water, like Newton’s apple. You get the point?
We know this thing called moving on, I have been doing that for the past couple of weeks. Actually, since the year started. But, you keep clawing your way back into my life or I am letting you do that to me.
For quite a long time now, I have been doing well with not texting you or talking to you. Then, I see you again and everything crumbles and stumbles and tears apart. My world returns to chaos. My beating heart suddenly wanted to win a marathon. An ECG apparatus would have gone haywire.
Tell me, why do you do that to me? Or why am I letting you do that to me?
I cannot seem to shake you off. I go all calm and collected then one day I go crazy again. Just like today. I was so proud of how I went on about three weeks of not talking to you. Then, when it was about lunch time, you sent me a message using your brother’s mobile.
Jod, it’s RM. I need someone to talk to.
I said that I will be a friend and I gave my side of the bargain. I talked to you. And we did talk a lot – all through lunch and my afternoon break time. Then, I came to thinking, should I make sense of anything? But you said really nice words to me, like there has never been a drift. Well, the drift is totally my fault and my assumption. I wanted to drift away into the sea and so far from you. But, we go back to my first dilemma, I cannot escape from you.
I just can’t.
You know why I’m so excited about this Bora trip? Kasi kaming apat na magkakapatid lang ang magkakasama (+ yung asawa ni ate). So, parang bonding lang talaga namin.
Fun yun kasi lumaki ako na hindi ko sila nakasama so parang hindi naman kami talaga close. Tapos sila, magkakalapit lang yung age so nagkakasundo talaga sila. Lagi akong OP, lagi akong napagti-tripan.
Kaya, ito na ang isa sa major chance na maging close talaga kaming apat.
Sibling love!
I started the day thinking that I should make up for everything I should have done the previous week and that I should make sure that I get things done this week especially that I only have four work days.
I got to the office and I was extremely hungry. I forgot to eat breakfast because I was in a bit of a rush. I also forgot my lunch at home. No matter, I would almost always assume that people will have McDonald’s delivered every morning. I joined in and ordered a 2-piece pancake meal and pineapple juice. I would have ordered coffee but I am staying away from the caffeine stuff until I am cleared by the doctor.
The whole morning, I worked on a document. Alongside that, I scheduled a meeting with another unit for my other project. They gladly obliged. Actually, that meeting was supposed to happen two weeks ago. But, people were not in their workstations when I arrived so I went back to mine and did other stuff instead.
The meeting was short and sweet and concise. It took most of my afternoon and when I returned it was time for merienda.
The other document needs Legal issues. When I had it reviewed by the Legal Department they sent me scanned copies of a book that is related to the document. I was overwhelmed by how it was written. Why do legal documents does not make use of the period often? They are so in love with commas and semi colons. Their sentences are paragraphs long and if you read them aloud, you forget to breath.
Why?
After work, I decided to drop by MegaMall and look for stuff that I might need for the weekend. Actually, I am looking for a new pair of shades. However, as I was strolling the hallways of the mall, I came by a surplus shop and thought of buying board shorts. Looking through the other items, I also found a nice jacket! I love jackets. They are comfy and they are soft and they keep me warm. So, jacket + board shorts. After that, I was able to find my shades and then bought toiletries in the supermarket.
I feel like I have achieved a lot today and I am happy. It’s a great way to start the week!
Eldest and youngest.
Good morning!
Busy week this week in the office. Kailangang bumawi!
Happy that I will only have four work days this week because our flight to Caticlan is on Thursday, 9PM.
Excited? Very.
Friday is the most boring of all days of the week. It is what separates you from your weekend. For me, it is a very long day with work from 7:30 AM to 4:3o PM and class from 6-9 PM.
Today, I lost all the will to work. I just wanted to focus on studying for the exam. I feel like I have wasted all of the opportunity to score big on my first long exam. Also, I feel like I have a better chance of acing this exam as opposed to the first. Alternately, I am reading the Percy Jackson series. Would you believe it if I said that I am already in the third book and I only started reading the series this week?
I thought that Friday would be such a burden but it wasn’t. It actually came as fast as it could. When it was already 4:15 PM, I prepared my things and made my way to school.
On the MRT ride, I unknowingly made a small commotion. At this time, the MRT is almost always full. I put all my valuables inside my bag so avoid the risk of being a victim of pickpockets. Since the cab was full, someone tried to tack things from me being putting his hand inside my pocket. I was wearing earphones then. You’d know that while you’re wearing earphones you don’t have much control on the volume of your voice. I semi-shouted, “you won’t get anything there”. I must have said it so loud because people looked in our direction. That was between the Ortigas and Santolan stations. He left the cab when the train arrived at the Santolan station. I felt that he was so embarrassed. What’s not to assume when someone’s hand is in your pocket? He does not look like the one who would do that for some sexy fun inside the train.
HAH.
I arrived at school just in time for the exam. We were to get the results of our first long and then do our second long exam. I know that I did all the right things in the second long exam. Although I did have trouble with one number, I was able to make good logic and analysis of the problem. The exam that was good for three hours, I only took in two. There’s no point hanging around for something that I don’t have use for. Also, I’m looking forward to game night.
I took the Tumana route, going home. That is faster, not much traffic and I don’t have a lot of competition when it comes to passengers. I arrived at the court with a team waiting for me to be complete. But, we also shuffled a few sets after. I was supposed to be a utility spiker but our setter told me to be the open spiker who attacks in the middle. We have this play going where I would only spike quick hits. I must admit that I am not well-versed with quick hits because I never know when to approach. However, it helped that we have an experienced setter. It’s either a normal quick or a back quick depending on the reception of the ball.
I did have a lot of attacks. I could say that I had the most of all players. I was also happy that I am an effective middle hitter because I am able to fake the blockers into following me instead of the other spikers. This leaves the other spikers free to angle their attacks any way they want it. It was probably one of the best games I ever had.
Friday came by so fast. And I bet the weekend would come faster. I don’t mind, I am actually looking forward to next weekend.
If you don’t think about something then it won’t bother you as much. I thought that today is just an ordinary Thursday – not Valentine’s Day. Yes, some singles abhor the day. We don’t have dates. It’s either nobody asked as out or we didn’t ask some people out. With me, I am choosing not to go out.
However, it is turning out to be not the usual Thursday I know.
One, there was a long line at the terminal and it was a very long time before a van arrives. That doesn’t happen on a Thursday. Usually, I will just go to the terminal and have a van wait for me. Traffic is also horrible this Thursday.
Two, I get sweets. Well it isn’t as much as a romantic gesture but this doesn’t happen normally. Two of my colleagues brought chocolates for us. One is chocolate with mallows the other is white chocolate. What fun.
Three, it took me more than half a day to publish a document. You see, this supposed expert in writing these type of documents failed me. I have to arrange her format and I have to read her sentences and, man, you would be surprised with how she made use of grammar. Sometimes I think if she is really qualified for her position or it’s just tenure that had her promoted. Thinking about that sucks, no?
Four, a Valentine’s Merienda. Actually, a merienda is not an unusual happening in the office but it is the first time that I really celebrated the day itself. The food was nothing special – pizza and spaghetti. Also, while we’re eating the bank activity of harana dropped by and sang songs. It wasn’t just me that noticed but one of them male singers was eying me while singing. I don’t know if I’ll get flattered or not.
Five, studying in Starbucks. I was never a fan. If I would study outside it would be a fast food chain because they have food. But, I don’t want to study at the McDonald’s near the sports center because it’s too crowded and too noisy for studying.
It really is not the usual Thursday. It isn’t also your usual Valentine’s Day.
